Jenny Fan Raj: Headed in the Right Direction

Jenny Fan Raj shares a recap of how the political conversation with her family on the holidays didn’t go as planned.

A few weeks ago, I had the idea to bring politics to the Thanksgiving table. Some of you might remember me sharing this Perspective on air.

Here’s a quick recap: While our family’s “no politics” rule had helped keep the peace, our surface level interactions also seemed to be distancing us. Perhaps if families could start having empathic conversations about how they feel, rather than who’s right, maybe our nation could find its way back together again.

Well, things didn’t go exactly as planned.

I previewed my Perspective with my siblings prior to the big day. The response was immediate — and heated. Though they were ultimately willing to give it a shot, I realized that to have the kind of conversation I’d envisioned, we needed to feel safe. And right then, none of us did.

Though they are on opposite ends of the spectrum, both of my siblings were feeling threatened by the current political climate. They were in fight mode. And, overwhelmed by the relentless news that week, I was in flight mode. I kept turning off the radio and promising myself that I’d tune in tomorrow. Or the day after. Or maybe in four years.

Before we could build our future, we had to first help each other feel secure. And we truly wanted to. In the end, it was this familial compassion that allowed us to begin healing.

I never did get my grand conversation over turkey and stuffing. The reality was less dramatic: text messages, phone calls, a nod of reassurance as we helped ourselves to dessert (and more dessert).

What began as a preview of the conversation has turned into many conversations, filled with anger, yes, but also vulnerability, kindness and humor. And they continue today.

I learned that progress isn’t about one ambitious gesture, but an accumulation of smaller efforts. We haven’t solved the problem, but we’re heading in the right direction, and for that, I am grateful.

With a Perspective, I’m Jenny Fan Raj.

Jenny Fan Raj is a writer who loves baking, traveling and all things fruit. She lives in San Francisco.